Positive Vibes.

After my last post, I SWORE myself to do what I wrote. One of the list is to get a hobby & to get myself feeling accomplished. 

I finally registered & paid for a dance class. I took Hip Hop. Of all things. But it was the only thing that I liked doing & it is on Saturday. Fits with my mom schedule & hubby is just in time to take care of our little birdie while mommy gets some popping & locking moving. 

I have not worked out or moved vigorously (or I'm going to call it 'UGLY'gorously - LOL!) Honestly, I refused to look in the mirror when I followed the instructor. I felt & still feel ugly seeing myself. Gosh, what have I done to my body. Not blaming myself for being pregnant, but I am blaming myself for not taking care of my body! I let it all go. It's all over. 

And the worst part, I have NO STRENGTH! I have NO STRENGTH! My muscles are all *kapoot*. We had to do some lower leg movement, like lunges from right to left & I had to use my hands to push myself back up! And i freaking tear my quadriceps & vastus (I had to Google it - heh heh heh) It took me about 5 days for it to heal. The next day I couldn't go up or even down the staircase. No bending & sitting up or down is like a puppet for me. I just slumped. My legs turned into a piece of plank that can't be bend without me feeling the pain. Gah! I feel so ashamed of myself. Like I really failed in my fit life. The sore on my leg is so painful. I never knew I could be in such pain. I think giving birth is bearable. (Maybe not. Hmmm..) 

Have I not worked my legs enough from carrying my daughter here and there or walked up the hill to reach our apartment? *Sobs* I guess my ass is so heavy now, that I can't carry my own self anymore. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Feeling accomplished? Not really. Because I failed in my lunges. But to be able to hear someone say good things (honest or not) is good enough for me. It will be better. 

Making new friends yet? Not really. But I'm glad to be able to hear and talk about something else besides being a mommy & my kid this, my kid that. The smell of sweat or when your chest hurts from the speed of your heartbeat rising felt good. Though I was dying, but it is a good dying feeling. Hahahahahahahaha! Okay, okay. I did feel a slight accomplishment. I did something I was in love with. Dancing. And putting a smile seeing other people of different ages & race dancing their way. 

It's just the first class. But, shucks! Next week class is cancel. And I can't attend Tuesday classes cause of the timing. Boo.

Next, I'm planning to register for the gym that is sitting in front of my apartment. And perhaps hire a trainer. Or should I just join the Thai Kickboxing instead? I think I am secretly liking boxing. Hate the UFC or anything in the ring fight, but I don't mind learning it. Because I remembered having so much of fun & adrenaline rush when I first joined LesMills' BodyCombat in Shanghai. But back then, I didn't feel this ache. How come?!

Oh, I showered. Pat on me back. And watch less TV too. Well done. But - *silence* I still check my phone. 

It's going somewhere. Not feeling shit this week. Good positive vibes. Yes!

Now, I need to Google why I have no more strength after my pregnancy. Need to regain my strength & stamina. I may be fat, but I used to be fit. And I will get my mojo back.