Ever since I chose to become a wife & now a mom, I realized my ID life is slowly disappearing. I have no sense of design or my brain just don't 'design-function' anymore. Or maybe, I have been a designer-less person all this while. Maybe I don't have any design taste at all.
I mean, look at all the places I've lived. In Hong Kong, Bahrain, Shanghai. And now in New Zealand. My house looks like I am not a designer or studied ID or even have experienced working in this field. But then again, most of them are furnished and I can only add in things. *paused to think*
I'm beginning to doubt about myself, am I good in design. I think, I'm shit. I got no sense of flair, taste, design or ideas. I guess, I'm only good at talking. Talking shit.
I get jelly when I go on YouTube and see people talk or design and built spaces. I've always dreamt of doing what they are doing, but why is luck not on my side? I can do it, but it cost money and I, being a full-time SAHM, makes no money. And my husband makes enough money for us to pay rent, bills, diapers & food. And yeay! No savings.
So it sucks. Because I get jealous of them. I ask myself, how come they get to do all that? Why is it so easy for them? Doesn't it cost money? How fortunate are them? How different can they be from me? I studied and work ID, but why can't I have what they do?
I am not good in my 3D, nor do I can hand draw artistically. I don't even know if my taste in something is tasteful enough to others. And what I love, I myself, can't afford. Is there anyone out there having this same position as me?
*sigh
No comments:
Post a Comment