It Came Back.

I guess everytime I'm nearing my menstrual period, my emotions is incontroble & my mood just snaps at everything that annoys me. I get that lonely again, feeling hopeless, useless & 'everyone-else-is-doing-better-than-me' feeling.

And his the closest to me, so he gets the first hit. I hate this. I hate that it keeps coming even when I felt like, "Hey, it's better now."

What triggers it? What? When days that financial is shit, I kept my cool & kept reminding myself, "Alhamdulillah. Be grateful. Alhamdulillah."

But this month, it came back & I blame myself for those words I regret because I sound so ungrateful.

Why am I not rich? I am actually poor & things around me tells me I am. Because I kept asking my husband to buy what 'I want.'

This depression roller coaster is killing me.

When It's about Him. I Trembled.

I hate to know that someone complains of comments or talk about him to me. It's like I failed to make him what he wants to be. I failed as a friend, partner & wife. But I am also feeling appreciative to know of this. Because one can't grow to be a better person without failing.

Maybe it's for the best. But then again, suddenly I felt lost of what I want him to be. *sigh*. What's happening? Is it the age that's making us going through this? Feeling failure. Oh, gosh. Life as an adult is sometimes scary.

I can do this. We can do this. He will learn. InsyaAllah.